From Fragmentation to Wholeness

(please note this is an edited version of the May 2016 Valentino Coaching newsletter – just minor changes have been made).


Following the impulses of the moods:
When my sister Debra first started drawing the Mood Ladies, she didn’t really know why – she just followed the impulse (read the full story here). When I first started using the Mood Ladies, I didn’t know the full story either. I just knew it felt right and I followed that impulse. I knew the Ladies were moods, parts of myself that had craved discovery and exploration and I saw these same patterns in my clients (read my story here). These parts of myself wanted to be nurtured. I knew that by allowing myself to fully explore all of these sides within me, I was touching something bigger. I also knew that this process wasn’t just about me – it was a process for clients and really for anyone ready for a transformation.

We all came here with our natural gifts, but our world takes these away and most of us buy into this ourselves. This usually begins early on in our lives – with all of those outside influences and not a strong enough inner compass. Comments like this might ring a bell: I was very creative as a kid, but my parents told me I couldn’t earn a living that way so I had to get a ‘real’ job. Or I thought success was making a lot of money until I got a job making a lot of money and got really sick. Or I had big dreams, but one day I just stopped dreaming because everyone around me told me I wasn’t being realistic. Or I learned from my first boss that gentle women don’t get promoted...Or I wanted to be joyful, but the message I got from my family was that I needed to be responsible. And on and on and on…

Where the fragmentation takes us:
When we’re not embracing our gifts and all the parts of ourselves, we are fragmented, which means we feel split, confused, unworthy, exhausted and unfulfilled. We might behave in ways that are negative and that deplete us. There is a hole that feels never ending. We’re trying to control certain moods or emotions – pushing them down. We’ve locked away some of the pieces and aren’t allowing certain parts of ourselves that desperately want our attention.

We all have different ways of compensating for the emptiness we feel when we’re not integrating our whole selves. Some of us overeat, over-work or over-drink. Some of us become overly invested in our children or our partners or our work. Some of us go on searches for that perfect relationship or job or place to live, but are never truly satisfied by what we find. If you look around, you’ll see the effects of this. We are exhausted, out of balance, unfulfilled and fragmented. We ignore certain aspects of ourselves and over-compensate with other parts in order to feel ok with ourselves. We see this lack of connection with ourselves on both an individual and societal level. For example, statistics show that 1 in 4 women in her 40s-50s is on anti-depressants; a recent study shows that 75% of women experience anxiety related health issues.

If you’re a frequent reader of my blog, you know that it’s not my style to dwell on the negative. That’s not the purpose here either. The purpose here is to tell you I’m ready for a real transformation. And I’m stepping up to be more of an active voice for that transformation from here on out. And I’m inviting you to join me – from wherever you are and to whatever degree feels best for you right now.

The Transformational Process of Wholeness
I realize now the true mission of the Mood Ladies. They are our guides, representations of wisdom, aspects of consciousness, ideas about possibilities and shadows, light and darkness. They represent all of the different ways of being in the world and they ask us to own them and be empowered in them. The Mood Ladies are a road map to healing the fragmentation within us. It’s about exploring and integrating all the sides of ourselves to live that wholeness that is unique to each of us. It’s about finding your own formula for wholeness, which for you might include unlocking your creativity or stepping into your power and embracing your leadership qualities, becoming a parent, not becoming a parent…

Without harnessing the power of your moods, of all of your inner selves, you may change things here or there but you will never transform. Today we stand on the precipice of a new era, but it’s up to us to decide we’re willing to welcome it in. Will we have it all by being required to try to do it all or give it all….or will we give ourselves permission to be it all and finally have it all? Each one of us gets to make that choice.

I’m so excited to move forward in this Transformation as it’s a whole new chapter for me, for my work, my business. And that means a whole new chapter for you – my friends, readers, clients and Mood Lady supporters. I’m working on revising my website to reflect more of this evolution of the Mood Ladies and my services. And right now, I’m offering free 20 minute Mini Mood Explorations (read more below).

This Transformation to Wholeness allows you to reclaim all the parts of yourself that have become fragmented. When you do this, those empty spaces, those voids, can be filled up in a way that finally leaves you feeling whole – which means more of what you want, both professionally and personally. It’s not based on anything external, like a home or a certain amount of money, or a relationship. It’s based on your own version of Wholeness – and once you establish this and connect with it, it will always be with you. When you fully accept all of your states of consciousness, all of the gems of your inner being, you are able to truly step into your power.


 Mini Mood Explorations

Our moods/different parts of ourselves – especially those we think get in our way somehow – are full of valuable information for us. Moods show us where we need to heal, where we need to put out attention and where we need to change or set a boundary in our lives. But too often, we push our moods down and so we don’t grow spiritually or emotionally.

In these short 20 minute phone (or Skype) sessions, I support you in discovering what part of yourself most needs your attention so you can honor and nurture this and move toward transformation. If you’d like to play, click this link to schedule!












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