“How’s the meatloaf?”

With this question, my life partner Bob and I embarked on a connected, fascinating and fulfilling conversation with some strangers.

We were at a favorite restaurant in the sleepy town of Morro Bay, California. The couple was passing through and were seated at the next table.

From a discussion about the food, somehow we quickly dove into bigger topics. They asked if we lived in Morro, which of course had to be followed up with more questions when we answered as we do these days: “Yes, for 2 - 4 months a year”.

“Where do you live the rest of the time?”, was the first question.

We explained our ‘slomad’ approach to life these days - living in a few different spots throughout the year, following the good weather the best we can. Living mostly in our little RV and sometimes AirBnBs.

“And you don’t have a home base?”, the husband, Nick, asked. Actually, he asked this same question 3 times throughout the conversation. It was obvious that this was a new thought for him. 

They explained that they were trying to figure out their next steps. Their oldest child had just moved away, one of their parents had recently passed.

I heard transition and change surrounding them. 

As Nick admitted, he was having a very hard time adjusting. His work had totally transformed into the digital world and in his own words, “it was sucking the life out of him.”

I could hear Nick’s struggle as I often hear the struggle when my clients describe similar challenges. I heard the sound of someone who knows they need to make a change, but fear is paralyzing them.

Bob and I did our best to offer another perspective as we shared our decisions and current approach. We listened with empathy and understanding as we have both, in our own and different ways, gone through these stages of profound life change and have felt the challenges.

I thought about that conversation a lot afterwards. 

From my musings, here are 4 questions/tools that I would offer to Nick if I saw him again. I think they can be useful for all of us when we are aware that something needs to change, but we are feeling stuck, fearful or anxious and can’t seem to move forward:

#1: Plan for the Next Step, Not the Rest of Your Life

It’s so tempting to feel like we need the answers for the rest of our life. I hear this often with clients thinking about their careers. 

But even with the best-laid plans, things are changing all the time.

When we’re making big changes, we can’t have all the answers. But we can know the direction we want to head. 

I often invite clients to come up with a reasonable time period (reasonable is very subjective), for example 6 months or a year.

Then we can talk about what they would like that next period to look like. And from there, they can identify a possible next step to move toward that.

#2: I’ve Lived a Wonderful Life & I Have No Regrets…: the 90th Birthday Exercise

I often invite clients to do this exercise when it’s time to explore where they really want to go. This task is one that begins with the end in mind and helps you focus in on what truly matters. 

It’s a simple and powerful exercise. The scenario is: You’re at your 90th birthday celebration (choose another age if 90 doesn’t work for you). All of your loved ones are there and you’re going to address them. You say: “I’m so grateful that you are all here. And I’m grateful for the life I’ve lived. I have lived a wonderful life and I have no regrets because…” And then you start your list.

Whatever comes to mind is perfect. 

Again, once you have your ‘speech’, you can see what truly matters. With this in mind, what’s one small area you’d like to focus on? What’s one tiny step you could take in this direction?

#3: Know Your Values & Use Them as Your Compass

I’m often amazed at how many people don’t know their personal values. Or even if they have done an exercise in the past, they can’t tell me what they are. I see huge shifts in my clients when they truly lean into their Values and start making choices having them in mind. 

I think this is such an important element in being in the driver’s seat of our lives that I created this no-cost Mini Course. If you or someone you know wants to create/connect with a life-long compass to support you, the course is there whenever you’re ready.

#4: It’s an Experiment: What if You Can’t Make a Mistake with Your Next Choice?

For most situations, there isn’t one best choice. There are so many factors to consider. If you think you have to make the ‘right’ decision, it’s terrifying and feels like too much pressure. 

Instead, think of it as an experiment. This isn’t about doing ‘the’ right thing, it’s about getting more information. When you try something out, taking those small steps if possible, you’ll know when you’re getting closer or further away from what you want.

When we’re feeling stuck, not knowing where to start can feel overwhelming and even paralyzing. If this is you, start with one of the 4 options above. And I give you permission to choose the one that feels easiest. Give it a try and see what you discover.

Enjoy the exploration!