I was talking with a client recently who was completely overwhelmed. She felt like she had to respond to everything that came her way immediately.

It could be emails, requests, favors, invitations - anything and everything. Her automatic response was always yes.

The result? She was constantly over-extended, exhausted, and resentful.

Does this sound familiar?

Here's what's happening: Your brain has created an automatic response pattern. Maybe it's an automatic yes (like my client). Or maybe it's an automatic no. Either way, you're on autopilot so you're not making conscious, aligned choices.

Why We Do This

There are lots of reasons we respond automatically:

• We want to be helpful or liked (people-pleasing)
• We're afraid of disappointing someone
• We don't want to miss out
• We're protecting ourselves from risk or vulnerability
• It's just habit - we've always done it this way and we haven't yet learned to challenge or interrupt the automatic response

I know this pattern well. As an Enneagram Type 2 (if you don't know about the Enneagram, stay tuned in future newsletters), my tendency was always to say yes to avoid disappointing others. Then, when I became aware of that habit, I swung the other direction. My initial reaction became automatic no. I over-compensated to protect myself from over-extending.

Now I notice both tendencies. With this awareness, I can stop the automatic response (most of the time, that is - sometimes it still slips by me!). I let the feeling and reaction settle. Then I can respond from a more informed, balanced place.

What Your Brain Is Doing

Here's the neuroscience: When you respond automatically, you're using a fast, reactive part of your brain. It's efficient, but it doesn't pause to consider whether this choice actually aligns with what matters to you.

When you create a pause - even just a few seconds - you engage a different neural pathway. This one allows for reasoning, reflection, and conscious choice.

That pause changes everything.

The Practice: The Automatic Pause

My client started small with what I like to call, The Automatic Pause.

First, she practiced with emails. Before responding, she'd pause and ask: Do I need to respond right away? Do I even need to respond at all? (Sometimes she was just copied in.)

This gave her practice with written communication where she had a bit more natural space.

Then she started applying the practice to verbal requests. When someone asked for her time or commitment, instead of immediately saying yes, she'd say: "Let me check my schedule first and I'll get back to you."

Simple and powerful.

Your Turn

This week, I invite you to practice the automatic pause.

When someone asks you for something - your time, a commitment, a favor - pause before responding.

You can say:

• "Let me think about that and get back to you"
• "Let me check my calendar"
• "Can I sleep on it?"

Then, in that pause, ask yourself:

• Does this align with my values?
• Do I actually have capacity for this?
• Am I saying yes out of obligation or genuine desire?
• What am I saying no to if I say yes to this?

You don't need to change everything at once. Just practice the pause once this week. See what you notice.

And if you'd like support with practices like this - noticing patterns and making conscious choices that honor what matters - that's exactly the kind of thing we can work on in Aligned Action Laser Coaching. You can learn more here. I still have spots available.

What Becomes Possible

When you break the automatic pattern - even just once - you create space for conscious choice.

With conscious choice, you start honoring your time and energy.

You begin living your values instead of just knowing them.

You create a life that actually fits.

And you can do this one pause at a time.

Enjoy the exploration.