3 Behaviors That Might Be Scaring Off the Clarity You’re Looking For

As summer is coming to a close (at least month-wise although not weather-wise for most of us), it’s a good time to re-group, re-assess, re-align ourselves as we move into the last 4 months of the year. One thing we need in order to do this is Clarity – a sometimes elusive little thing, usually when we feel we need it most. I’ve noticed that there are 3 behaviors that tempt & block us when we want more Clarity about something. Come and explore these with me and discover what you can do instead in order to turn this into a tool that is within your reach at any moment.


Behavior #1: YIKES! Get me outta here!
So, usually when we are wanting to make a decision about something, to find a way forward, to solve a problem or challenge, our first instinct is to figure things out and as quickly as possible. Let’s face it, when we are unclear about a next step, we usually aren’t the most patient. It can feel uncomfortable when we don’t yet know and so most of us jump right into solving mode.


I see this with clients all the time. They come to me wanting clarity about a career move, a relationship issue, a new venture or step forward in their business and they are always ready to figure it out in the first session and take action. Sometimes there is clarity there already and they just need support unraveling it. But more often, it’s too soon for real Clarity.When we take action from a place of wanting to solve it and not necessarily because we’ve taken the time to explore, what do you think happens? Well, most often we end up doing something that we then need to re-evaluate at a later date because there’s a good chance it isn’t aligned with what we REALLY want. Our little mind thinks it sounds good because it’ll seem like we’re doing something and our minds LOVE it when they feel we’re doing something. However, we might just have to do ‘something’ again and again and never get closer to the bigger picture of where we really want to go.

So, what can you do instead? Well, you have some options: you might like to explore alternatives or research (little mind LOVES this since it feels quite productive). And I’d say the most useful behavior here might be the one that most people avoid like the plague: sitting in the discomfort.

I know that doesn’t feel so fun, but it’s certainly something that gets easier with practice. The discomfort can teach us too – it is actually a powerful teacher. It’s there for a reason. It can help us discover what we’re afraid of, what is most important to us etc. As we sit with it without trying to resist or figure things out, it lessens. And when Clarity is ready, shel’ll come find you. I guarantee that if you experiment with a bit of discomfort, you will come a long way with beautiful Clarity.

Behavior #2: Should I, Shouldn’t I, Should I, Shouldn’t I….?
Another common behavior when we’re looking for clarity is the constant back and forth – we analyze and analyze until our thoughts get so confused, we have no idea what we think or how we feel or what our next step might be. Have you ever tried to make a decision from THIS place? It’s impossible, isn’t it? Our poor little mind is so cluttered, even IT (the ultimate thinker) is exhausted.

If you find yourself analyzing and making list after list, it is most likely time to take a little break. Sometimes the best way to allow Clarity to find you is to STOP thinking, to STOP trying to analyze. I’ve found in my client sessions, that there are 3 top activities that help most people get out of analyzing stuck mode and back to a place where they can make sense of their thoughts. Any guesses on what those 3 things are? What usually works to get your mind uncluttered?Whatever your answer, take note. This is great information for you – it’s your secret ingredient to use whenever that little mind is going a little overboard. And what I’ve found is when I ask this question of my clients (“What usually works to get your mind uncluttered”, they usually say 1 of 3 things: 1) Exercise, 2) Doing something creative – and this has many different faces and 3) Being in nature.So next time you are trying to figure things out and your mind just seems to be stuck in analyzing mode and getting nowhere, try connecting to creativity,  to movement or to nature – things that allow your mind to take a little break. Behavior #3: Looking for ‘THE’ Magic Answer


Another behavior that might be stopping you from getting REAL clarity is thinking that there is one right answer for you. This is quite common and I see it in my clients all the time. When you think there is ONE magic answer, there is a lot of pressure to find IT. And it can be easy not to move forward, not to entertain new ideas because you haven’t found IT yet.Two allies you can invite in when this behavior takes over are Possibility & Experimentation. Even though we might think there is just one Magic answer, there are instead usually LOADS of possibilities. Once we open ourselves up to the idea of there being more than just ONE answer, we can start seeing alternatives. That doesn’t mean we like all the alternatives, but just tapping into them helps us find more and more. And as I always say, those are just the ones we see at the time. What about all those that haven’t shown themselves yet?And thinking we have to have ‘The’ answer limits us in terms of experimenting our way to Clarity. Sometimes we need to take it one step at a time, put our toe in, test the waters and get a better sense of how something feels. When we experiment, our little mind is happy because we’re doing something and we are narrowing down the options. When you find yourself looking for THE right answer to a challenge or your next step, remember to broaden your view a bit to see if there is something small you could do to experiment.

 

Your own magic Clarity formula

You might be familiar with all of the above behaviors or might recognize one as your default. Now that you see how you might be blocking Clarity, you’ll have a better idea of alternate behaviors – things for you to try.

And as with everything else, it’s up to you to find the best clarity formula for you. Even here, there isn’t one magic answer. The more you tap into your own uniqueness, the more you relax and don’t try to force things, the more ease you’ll discover with getting Clarity. And I wish you many fun adventures & discoveries on your Clarity Quest.


JANETTE VALENTINO, LIFE COACH

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